help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
