I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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