You're so nebulous sometimes
I just cut my nipple shaving
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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