Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I think my fart just growled at me.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
