Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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