Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
