His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
