I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
