i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
