i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
