Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
