I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
