I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
it's great music for shaving your balls
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
last night I used snow as a chaser
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
