From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
