He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
