i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
