That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
