i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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