Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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