Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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