his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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