White coat. Heels.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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