I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
