The maid of honor just puked.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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