Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
the liver wants what the liver wants
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
