I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The adults are the big ones right?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
