Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?

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(617): This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off? http://tfl.nu/xunp

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(515): View more from Iowa

you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.

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(515): you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep. http://tfl.nu/cw9o

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(204): View more from Manitoba

you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.

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(204): you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested. http://tfl.nu/msf1

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(727): View more from Florida

She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.

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(727): She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek. http://tfl.nu/rrn9

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(660): View more from Missouri

I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.

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(660): I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better. http://tfl.nu/xn35

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(908): View more from New Jersey

he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious

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(908): he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious http://tfl.nu/30k1

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(727): View more from Florida

Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.

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(727): Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew. http://tfl.nu/ch0g

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(519): View more from Ontario

She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has

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(519): She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has http://tfl.nu/fgce

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(802): View more from Vermont

think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....

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(802): think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight.... http://tfl.nu/1kod

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.

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(603): I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin. http://tfl.nu/suqz

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.

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(724): So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress. http://tfl.nu/pksn

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(785): View more from Kansas

I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag

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(785): I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag http://tfl.nu/283w

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(703): View more from Virginia

I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.

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(703): I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did. http://tfl.nu/tu20

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?

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(918): What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else? http://tfl.nu/xvvc

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.

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(336): I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can. http://tfl.nu/mx39

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