Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
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He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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