How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.