just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins