Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that