ADVERTISEMENT

• (206): View more from Washington

  On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...

  Fav 19 4573 902

  share tweet
  

• (718): View more from New York

  he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs

  (1-718): View more from New York

  I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.

  (718): View more from New York

  the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.

  Fav 31 1031 4066

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (609): View more from New Jersey

  His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.

  Fav 36 1534 8847

  share tweet
  

• (586): View more from Michigan

  omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"

  Fav 8 1726 1258

  share tweet
  
• 

  Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (301): View more from Maryland

  thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.

  Fav 2 1436 828

  share tweet
  

• (614): View more from Ohio

  I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.

  Fav 15 834 1390

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (903): View more from Texas

  Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.

  Fav 9 1741 1143

  share tweet
  

• (585): View more from New York

  Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride

  Fav 4 1359 639

  share tweet
  

• (901): View more from Tennessee

  Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines

  Fav 10 1005 609

  share tweet
  
• 

  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (845): View more from New York

  Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..

  Fav 0 759 365

  share tweet
  

• (515): View more from Iowa

  WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????

  Fav 4 394 267

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT

  Fav 1 284 104

  share tweet
  

• (919): View more from North Carolina

  I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.

  Fav 0 38 15

  share tweet
  

• (404): View more from Georgia

  Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.

  Fav 3 33 8

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (404): View more from Georgia

  B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'

  Fav 1 35 3

  share tweet
  

Randomize