i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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