Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store. http://tfl.nu/hql1
  Replies (14) Good night (1494) Bad night (654)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  fuck the hobbit

  (301): View more from Maryland

  what about unicorns?

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  fuck those pointy horses

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): fuck the hobbit (301): what about unicorns? (732): fuck those pointy horses http://tfl.nu/k7om
  Replies (9) Good night (2860) Bad night (921)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad. http://tfl.nu/r9d8
  Replies (4) Good night (3069) Bad night (679)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  he said he didn't have a condom.

  (415): View more from California

  and you said?

  (510): View more from California

  that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): he said he didn't have a condom. (415): and you said? (510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that. http://tfl.nu/4u76
  Replies (302) Good night (102991) Bad night (6457)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day http://tfl.nu/098u
  Replies (13) Good night (5088) Bad night (1293)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon. http://tfl.nu/t979
  Replies (41) Good night (8716) Bad night (2747)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples. http://tfl.nu/nrga
  Replies (5) Good night (1272) Bad night (2388)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato. http://tfl.nu/nu5y
  Replies (4) Good night (1394) Bad night (1244)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high. http://tfl.nu/bi94
  Replies (6) Good night (1461) Bad night (727)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me. http://tfl.nu/x609
  Replies (5) Good night (2625) Bad night (885)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey http://tfl.nu/5avv
  Replies (4) Good night (2041) Bad night (1160)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it. http://tfl.nu/6vuz
  Replies (6) Good night (3383) Bad night (726)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex. http://tfl.nu/moa6
  Replies (5) Good night (1124) Bad night (366)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy. http://tfl.nu/xpy1
  Replies (2) Good night (716) Bad night (321)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem http://tfl.nu/rbg6
  Replies (1) Good night (420) Bad night (239)

Randomize