if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?