We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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