I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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