Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
