Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
