she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
