based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
