just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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