DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
