Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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