When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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