Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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