my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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