Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
