My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
