i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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