she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just found a bag of teeth...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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