It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
