she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Church boner. Awkwardddd
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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