Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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