Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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