i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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