I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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