Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
