Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
