on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
