so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
