I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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