thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
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