I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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