and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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