If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
