it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
