My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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