So drunk, too bad you don't want this
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
