i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
