I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
