I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
