HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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