She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
