We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
