your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
